All Quotes From Dr. Hamilton unless noted.

-unless a man tooteth his own horn, it will not be tooted.
-this is not 10 cool things to do next Sunday.
-if you cheat you will fail, and we will hate you forever.
-some people need to be told to have fun because they are too tightly wound, and some people need to be told never to have fun with anything.
-some of you have been to the ACU opening ceremony where the big flag eats all the little flags.
-Sometimes God is made into Dr. Phil the deity
-“what is difficult about this chapter?” “saying semen in public.” –Aaron Metcalf
-they were very polite to each other, because they aren’t married to each other. That didn’t come out right.
-“I don’t want to poo-poo that.”
-“that joke was a lot funnier than maybe you realized.”
-their lesson is “unencumbered by the thought process.”
-John Stevens used to say: if you lie to me, and I know that you are lying, and you know that I know, and you know that I know that you know, and I know that you know that I know that you know, then it’s not lying, it’s politics.
-“I kind of need to go number one.” -Josh Ross
-never say, it’s a long story, I’ll just tell you the gist of it. The whole point of the story is the story, not the gist.
Did you ever eat a gist? What is a gist anyway?
-“I’ve always thought it was weird to clap at baptisms. You know, ‘let’s hear it for God.’”
-“nobody left pumped. I’ve always associated ‘pumped’ with stomach.” -M. Hamilton
-for Americans, it’s ready, fire, aim.
-wealth meaning the people who have more than I do.
-sometimes short-term missions is simply religious voyeurism.
-we kill prophets and then canonize them.
-“which the Germans in their intoxication wouldn’t see.”
-“this is a commie-pinko rag, isn’t it? Where is J. Edgar Hoover when you need him, popping into the dress shop once again?”
-“I’m sorry to be vehement. It’s the caffeine and the serious character flaws.”
-“a rrr, a rrr, a non-urban church.”
-the early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
-eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
-“to Merkel with them.”